I Fell Freely
by sable-fahndu
Summary: Keeping Astaroth from Karin may be a troublesome ordeal indeed, when Nicolai finds it harder and harder to not hurt the one he loves. Nicolai x Karin. Please R
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Shadow Hearts, it belongs to Midway and Azure and all the other respected companies. If you were hoping to file a lawsuit, you are stupid.

A/N: Angst goodness. I'm warning you, adult situations. If you are under-aged, you should not be reading this. You have been warned. My fist Shadow Hearts fic and it's Nicolai x Karin. Please please please review. I'm begging for reviews!

_**I Fell Freely**_

" I don't like the way you're looking at me, " Karin whispered, trying to keep her eye's focused and away from the form that was unmercifully circling her, making her dizzy, and intoxicating her with excited fear.

" I like the way you cringe prettily in that chair. Sit still and be frightened properly, " he smiled, pressing his fingers futher into her spine.

" D-don't touch me..., " her hand itched to move toward the hilt of her sword yet her mind was quick to remember it was missing. Her lack of weapon made her more off edged than she already was. She couldn't fall now.

" Can I kiss you Karin, " Nicolai asked softly, his voice sounding innocent, his eye's wide and hopeful. She stared into his orbs, his fingers still physically measuring the curveture of her spine. She licked her lips, her stomach rising to her chest in fright and anticipation. She never new quite what to say. It wasn't something she could ask Yuri. If Yuri knew...

" Gently. Last time, you made me bleed..., " she whispered her response, regret and excitement fluttering within her insides. The man's lids lowered slightly, his smile soft and silken as his lips decended upon her, bittersweet and feather light as to her request.

He itched to have her hair in his hands, but that would ruin the moment. Last time he had made her scream in pain and she had fled. He hadn't meant to hurt her. If he was himself, then it would never be so. He would only give her pleasure and his sanity. Not the unstable moments where Astaroth danced upon the edges of his mind and tried to play with Karin. But he was loosing himself. Even if he wouldn't admit it, the demon was taking over.

Maybe one day he would kill her...that would trully be a tragedy. He wouldn't know if he could bare it.

Love? Maybe. Yet until that thought finally settled, he was content with the present.

Not jade...her eye's were deeper than jade. Her eye's were much more intriguing than his. They reminded him of green fields flushed with emeralds. They reminded him of a warm fire against the most brutal Russian winter night. Her eye's were like sugur-cookies that were oozing sweet icing and smoldering love and light into each and every child who tasted them. Her eye's stirred his senses and set them aflame, consuming in their raging rapids. He liked to run his long fingers through the fire that was her hair, a stronger red than his own strawberry-blonde tint. And through his ministrations, she would sigh the sweetest sounds that could knock him to his knees.

He liked her ankles.

The pecularity of such a strong woman with the tiniest of feet and the prettiest ankles amused him. He liked the way she innocently giggled when he tickled them, her laughter colliding against the walls of his room. Her voice...how he lived off her voice, he drank of it! Wanting to consume it whole, mentally recalling the different sounds and lilts her voice took through every reaction, every emotion, every physical feeling and he dreaded the moments when he would miss it and it wasn't there.

He tried to make her pretty voice sing.

Yet she would blush and turn in his pillows to hide, her elfish antics clenching at his chest. He would plead and plead and she would laugh within the feather-soft cushions, shaking her head all the while. He gave her chocolate and she would fall in his lap, delighted with the treats, licking her pouting lips childishly, the sensuality of it unbeknowst to her in her innocence, causing his desire to grow even more.

And he would hurt her...

Times when she would sneak away from her party and through the harsh and chilling storms of Petrograd to see him. Smiling sun's and stars,she would come to him, explaining how she couldn't stay long because Yuri-

And his anger got the best of him...

It always did. Her broken body would shudder and sob and she would run for what he feared would be the last time.

He...never meant to hurt her. He tried to reason that it wasn't his fault. That it was the demon within him. Astaroth. Yet the bruises told other truths and he would cringe and cry, begging for her forgiveness. But for her own good, she must stay away from Yuri Hyuga. The very thought of the Germen lieutenant fighting alongside that man alone set his furies which usually was taken out on her, her body, emotions, and mental being.

' He's only a friend, ' she tried to reason once. It didn't matter. It was by pure luck that she still returned to him. Her confused emotions were probably what got the better of her and Nicolai knew that there would come a day when they might be sorted out. Sorted out by Yuri Hyuga no less, if the man ever found out. He was the enemy and if Yuri knew of Nicolai and Karin's relations, then he would shun her, abandon her, banish her away from the others.

A thought occurred to him. Without Yuri's favor, she would have no one. The other's in her team would follow the leader and she would be left alone. Left alone to return to him. He could prove to her the sensibility of his plight. And he would convince her of his lo-

Love? Had he really fallen so?

A slight smile formed about his lips. Possibly. And even if it were so, he would have the thrown of Russia to offer to her. She would be his wife and an empress! He slightly chuckled as he realized, ' I did it again. ' Wife...he thought of her as such. Then it could properly be called love. He loved Lieutenant Karin Koenig. Her fighting and incredible fencing skills were worthy as was her title. Her bloodline also read of German nobility, even though that nobility had been denouced, hidden, and no longer known of. She would be suitable to rule alongside him. She loved him too...didn't she?

His mind jumped into a curiouse stage of thought's, pondering the girls own feelings. If she didn't, then she would. She would learn to love him. His smile that had slightly faded at the mental conversation returned and he rested his head further into his pillows. He was in love with Karin. And Karin -might- love him back. Yuri Hyuga was soon going to be informed about their feelings. And Karin would soon be where she belonged.

_------------------------------_

A.N: Please tell me what you think of it and if I should continue the thing. Review please, I can't write more if people don't review me. And if you're reading and thinking " I don't feel like it and someone else will probably review " then your wrong. Every review counts.


	2. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: I don't own it

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. They were all lovely and they made me so very happy. I hope you enjoy this.

**Chapter Two-**Sibling Agreement: _" Pretty Smiles " _

" They make the prettiest sounds...like wings against the sky when they flap and are trapped and can never trully get away, so they cry, " he laughed. Laughed fully and heartily and his shoulders shook with it.

" The cry until they scream and you don't know. You never know when you'll be free, but you try. You run. So far and fast but he finds you, he always finds you..., " he trailed off, his eye's distant and glazed over.

" Who, " she whispered softly. So softly that he could barely hear. But it was enough. Not for him, but for Astaroth. Astaroth's hightned senses and awareness. Astaroth had heard. And Nicolai had responded.

"Rasputin. "

Anastasia said nothing as she looked to the cardinal; fear, wonder, and facination tickling her mind.

" I hate him, " he whispered bitterly, loathing and fear etching his voice. " Princess...my sister...I shall rid you of him forever. "

The girl was quite, staring at the man her father had casted aside. " Just give me Karin's confession, and I swear my allegiance. " She didn't know what to say, awed and shocked at the same time. Nicolai was offering assistance in killing Grigori. But what would Yuir do? What would everyone say?

She shook her head vehemently. It didn't matter. Her family was first priority. And Nicolai, really, only asked for so little. She held out her hand to him, aware of the strange look within his eye's, but desperate all the same, " Alright. " Her voice trembled and she hadn't meant it to be so, but he didn't care.

He smiled.

Such a pretty smile. Who cared if he was slightly mad, his smile was one of the prettiest she had ever seen and he was...he was her brother. She SHOULD trust him.

He nodded his thanks, and left her, quite, calm, and collective, something dancing about her lips that she couldn't quite name.

A/N: Short, I know, but I'm so tired. Please review. It would mean a great deal to me.


	3. Chapter Three

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

A/N: Thank you all who have reviewed me and and are enjoying it. Kurama-forever, Lynn Seiza, Puffy Tribulation, Canon, Midori Bond, Raven Shinobi, Crystilline-tears (my sister), Karategal, Lady Daeth, Tiger5913 (who I un-shamely self-advertised to), Lively Dreamer, aegis. Thank you all. It means a lot to me.

Chapter Three: Chess Pieces.

" You have a man, Karin? "

The German lieutenant paused in midstep, her hand grazing the gold door nob. She turned, a bit shock-lustered at the by the question as she looked to the young princess over her shoulder, a haze of red hair partly in her vision.

" What did you say? "

" A man, " she reapeated, her brows knitted together, " You are seeing someone, yes? "

The Russian accent almost sounded accussing, waltzing on a thin petal-thin line between curiosity and suspicion.

" Anastasia, I think you are mistaken. I- "

" You come to my room. Come and tell me of your pretty man, " her young, sweet voice demanded ominously. She turned fully around, making her way down the blood-crimson carpets. The wistful-dimness of the candle light reflected off her auborn-glazed hair.

Karin simply smiled, following as she fancifully thought about Anastasia's inquiring speculations and thoughts, " Anastasia, if you think Yuri and I are- "

But again, she was cut off. " I want to know about the man in white. I want to know about the man with my hair and my eye's. "

Karin's heart stopped and she suddenly realized she was struggling to breath.

" Karin, " this time her voice was soft, coaxing, as she reached out and held out her hand. Karin shakingly grasped it, fear engulfing her being.

" How, " the whisper was broken and the woman's eye's began to water.

Anastasia looked to Karin reassuringly, a small smile dancing at her lips, " Maybe your scandalous treachery shall win us salvation. I want to tell you a pretty story, lieutnant. "

Karin was reminded of someone. " Karin, my little chess piece. I promise I won't tell, " Anastasia whispered, pulling the woman down the hall, the candle light suddenly blown out by a source-less wind. The German woman swallowed down her nervous fright, suddenly realizing who the girl reminded her of.

Nicolai.

Nicolai spoke in the same lilting manner and Karin was scared. Very scared. " Who's…who's side are you on, " she questioned Anastasia, whispering even though all were asleep.

" I could ask you the same thing, " the girl replied, eye's focused ahead as she made for her door. Grasping the knob and turning it, she looked to Karin, a fearful look on her face, " I promise…I promise to protect you, Karin. But if you hurt yourself, it's not my fault. "

They entered the room and closed the door.

A/N: Please review, so I'll know if I should continue this or not. Thanks.


	4. Things

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

A/N: Thank you all for reading and reviewing!

Chapter Four: " Things " 

" What did you say to her? "

" I told her a story… "

" And? "

" She was frightened. "

" By your discovery? "

" No. By you, " Anastasia claimed, merely looking straight ahead as the man flinched and looked to the girl as to silently ask " Is it true? "

" She's a good person, Nicolai. And you hurt her, " her voice was reprimanding yet almost monotone at the same time. Something was fighting inside of her and she couldn't quite place it.

" I didn't mean to break her little wings…, " he sounded regretful and she suddenly turned to him, her hands still behind her back as her eye's raked him, scrutinized his features.

" That thing make's me uneasy, " she said loathingly, a look of disgust upon her face.

" I do not understand, " Nicolai countered, confusion set about his own face.

" That creature that keeps scratch scratch scratching at your insides. It's makes me cringe everytime I hear it. Make it stop, " she shuddered suddenly, turning away from him. Nicolai's eye's narrowed in wonder as he looked to the younger girl, a hand on his chin.

" What exactly do you think your hearing? " Frustration flashed across her face, her fists clinched and at her hips. " It's louder with you. I hear it in _him _too. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. Get rid of it. "

He knew by _him_, that she meant Rasputin. Could it possibly be that she somehow knew about Astaroth? Or Asmodeus? If that was so, then why wasn't she sensing something from Yuri?

" I refuse. The creature will lend me a hand in protecting you, little sister. My will is stronger than Rasputin. Don't fear it. "

She did fear it. She knew of Yuri's Amon. Yet, she could never _feel_ it as she did with the other two. It was because she knew that Yuri held a respect for Amon and vise versa, as with Nicolai and Rasputin, theirs were taking control of there bodies. Nicolai wouldn't hear it if she tried to warn him. So she remained quiet. Trying to ignore the wretched clawing at her ears.

" So…how fairs Karin? "

" She loves you. She petal-pricks her heart in loving you. " Nicolai's eye's closed, smiling softly at the sentiment, " Sacrifices…I will give her the world, " his voice was windy and ever-after.

Anastasia watched him closely, aware of his strange moods, " If you hurt her, I will find my own methods to protect my family. "

He stared at her intensely, raising a hand to stroke her cheek, " Are you forgetting? I am your family. "

A/N: Please review. I like reviews. They make me write faster.


	5. Chapter FiveTzarina

Disclaimer: Don't own SH.

A/N: Please read and review.

**Chapter Five:** _Tzarina_

" It's the stars to the east that guide you to the Ever-Plains, and when you get there, you'll never fly home. They froze my wings till they shattered whole, and I was scared. So very scared. "

" When did you have wings to begin with? You could never truly fly, " he grinned, looking to the man before him.

" I _was_ free. My will were my wings. You make me restless and sick, " Nicolai spat, turning to leave.

Rasputin grinned, his fingers grazing Veronica's idly as he sat in his chair, the woman by his side. " You mean to betray me, Nicolai? I who have always cared for you? Sheltered you? "

" If the need arises, I will, " the cardinal didn't turn to look at this man. Veronica was quite and said nothing, her hand still captive of Rasputin.

" Then I will have to steal your pretty face and make her cry out in her own blood. "

" Karin! "

Nicolai woke from the odd dream in a sweat, feeling drained and confused. He almost jumped when the door to his room creaked open, making his muscles tense. " Who's there? "

His voice echoed off the walls and his fear quickly elated when he saw a flash of red hair move in his direction. " I-I didn't know you were staying here. "

His heart jumped at the sound of Karin's voice and he removed himself from his bed. He stepped toward her, held out his hand. She took a step back. " Ana-Anastasia knows. You told her, didn't you? " She tried not to sound pleading but threatening. It was almost working.

" I did. She is my sister after all and-, " he reached for her again in the darkness but abruptly stopped when he felt the coolness of silver-steel against his naked skin, her blade at his throat. " What are you up to, " she spat, fury clouding her eye's, " I'll kill you myself if you mean to hurt her. "

" Never, " he whispered hastily, suddenly becoming fearful of the tone Karin's voice had taken. " Sickening sweet sentimentals she spat at my brain, but I know the truth. Your munipulitive. You'll use whatever you can to get what you want. I know the injustice of your tragedy, of your mother and you, and God help me, I had felt pity for you. However, I see now you meant to use me to get to Yuri. Just as your using Anastasia to get to Rasputin and Nicolas. "

She was crying. He could hear it in her voice. There was that awful clenching at his heart, yet he remained where he was, mindful of the weapon pointed against him. It would be no trouble to simply cast the blade aside, yet Karin would see it as a strike. It was better to let her believe she held the upper hand.

" Then kill me, " breathily was it said.

" What? "

" If you believe it so, kill me. It would…make things much easier, love. Rasputin would be left to you, Nicolas would be safe, and when Rasputin was killed, all would be well within Russia. "

" I-I ca- "

" Use your wit's woman! Is it not the perfect plan? Would it not be successful? "

" You say it as if it wasn't true… "

" And what if it was, " he smiled, long and thinly, " What if your suspicions were true? Would making me Tzar and you my Tzarina be so unfathomable? Imaginably impossible? "

The blade was shaking at his throat and he could feel her hesitation, " Me? "

" Why not? I love you Karin. There's not much that I can give then that. But look at the aspects of the simple situation. If you were empress, you could restore the honor of your family's name. Reclaim what was taken from you…your grandmother…she would be proud. "

" Yuri would never forgive me. "

He scoffed at the name, becoming bolder, " And what does the harmonixer inspire in you? What keeps you by his side. I do commend the man for trying to do what is only right, but what harm would my succession be to this world? Think of the things you could do Karin. A natural revolutionist. You could change the world. "

The rapier fell. And for Nicolai, all went dark.

A/N: Things aren't fluffy and it's not meant to be that way but it will get good and Nic/Kar filled eventually. Just bare with me. But, reviews strike motivation to write and get there faster, so, if you review, I can guarantee some Nic/Kar in the next chapter. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Shadow Hearts at all.

A/N: Filler chapter.

Chapter Six

One thousand...

One thousands needle pricks upon his head...

" I...I have a headache, " he mentally sighed, his hand upon his forhead as he awoke.

It was dark outside and he was moving. Well, the train was moving...

" Train? "

His eyes snapped open to see Karin across from him in the room of the car, her feet raised on the seat, arms wrapped around her knees, eyes intent as she watched him. He was still in his sleeping atire, his hair dishevelled, and his face tired.

" You knocked me out... "

" I did, " she whispered, her mouth hidden behind her knees.

" Where are we going? "

" China "

" Why, " his anger was rising at her short answers.

" I'll tell you when we get there. I don't feel like talking. "

And she didn't answer anymore of his questions that night, no matter how much he pleaded, or how much his anger rose. Astaroth lashed out, but her sword was quick against his chest, and all attempts at conversation were through.

---------------------------------------------

The feel of her against him sent shivers racing up his spine, the contact of skin of skin too much.

Why was it like this? Why was she different?

" Your not paying attention, " she had whispered, raking her finger's across his thighs.

" Karin... "

He opened his eyes, seeking those of his lover, and gasped at what he saw.

" Veronica! "

And he woke up.

His heart was pounding and he looked out the window at the light and the scene.

" We're here, " she said simply and finally released her knees, sitting back in her seat.

A/N: Please review.


	7. Chapter 7

Authors Note: I'm sorry I haven't updated. I stopped writing for almost two years because I had no inspiration. I couldn't understand why until recently. I used to have a lot of problems in my life and writing was a great release for me. And now, for the first time in my life, things seem to be going well for me, and sense then, I haven't felt the urge to write. I wanted to, but I just didn't know how. Also, I wanted to change the way I wrote as well, but didn't know how to go about it. I'm trying to find new inspiration for new ideas and stories and a will to type them down. I'm sorry I've let everyone down and I didn't mean to just cut this off and leave everyone hanging. I have abandoned some of my fics officially, however, not this one. I hope you enjoy this chapter as I felt writing it was a big step for me to continue writing in the future. Thank you readers. Thank you all for your support and kind words.

**Chapter Seven: On being Anastasia:**

Anastasia Romonov watched her father across the dinner table, the softness in his eyes not meeting the stern smile on his face. He wasn't weak. He just had too much heart that he invested in the wrong people. Too much trust for any man. Yet being a good man didn't take away from her respect and love for Tzar Nicholas. It only deepened as it should for any good daughter. However, the respect her mother held for Rasputin was greatly displaced, and had caused a rift between her mother and her. Anastasia was notorious for her quick action, but suffice to say, that didn't mean the young one wasn't wise. Although the way she went about her mother with their common arguments and confrontations might have been disapproving, her mind was in the right place, just releasing her emotions in the wrong manner. She was only fourteen. What was she to do?

She jumped slightly in her chair when she noticed Rasputin eyeing her across the table, a small smirk gracing his putrid face, his hands idly stroking his beard. He was well aware of her hatred against him and the current animosity between her and the Tzarina that he used it to his advantage every chance he got. And when Anastasia directed her finger to blame toward the rightful owner, the Empress dismissed it at disobedience, creating more tension and friction between the two. Her mother was changing, morphing into another woman entirely. At first she was sure that it was just simple mistakes and nothing more. But as they frequented, she had soon come to realize the full extent of what was happening and what Rasputin was doing.

Before, it was merely incidents where she had called for firewood or baths and none would be delivered, servants claiming that they never received word. Or being ordered to present herself, being told upon arrival that no such order was given. Overtime, she would come to her room with dolls missing, clothes shredded upon her bed, meals refused to her. These things were petty and very easy to ignore. However, it made her wonder what her mother would eventually come to in the future if she carried on and if Rasputin continued with his manipulation.

She thought of Nicolai and wondered about her half-brother, her fathers true first born child, conceived before he had even been given the crown. Did Tzar Nicholas even know of his son, Nicolai? She could hardly imagine her father abandoning a child. However, Nicolai was convinced it was so. And his hatred needed to be staunched. She gave him false hope that she could help him in his crusade. She hoped Karin could help him abandon his plight with her love, yet Anastasia knew now that it wasn't enough leverage to keep him at bay. Not with that monster inside of him. She needed to be careful, or else that very monster could destroy Karin and perhaps all of Russia.

Her heart sank at the thought and when she looked to her food, she noticed she hadn't eaten a single bite. She wasn't hungry. She was tired. Very tired. She looked again to Rasputin as he whispered into her mother's ear and imagined his mouth torn from his face, his blood within her throat. She didn't care how it was done. She didn't care who she used. But she wanted him dead. Dead and gone and no one to remember him by because he was nothing.

And she began to eat. And not because she was hungry but because it was the right thing to do. It was the normal thing to do. The thing where no one would suspect what imaginings were going about her little head. She stared with hatefire at the man across the table. And hoped from her looks alone that he could read every single thing that she would do and have done to him.

-/-/-/-/-/-/

She sat in front of the fire place within the sanctuary of her room, staring at the flames intensely, her legs jutting out beneath her nightdress, her toes curling and uncurling as the heat licked at them, warming them before she turned for bed. She heard her door creak open and looked to see who had entered. She didn't flinch and made sure her face was hard and grim when she looked at him. He merely stood by the door, his hands silently folded behind his back, his eyes glowing slightly in the dark like a cat, his blinking making him more feral looking than a stare would. She looked back to the flames as if ignoring him, not giving him the satisfaction that he had her full attention. He came to her after all. She felt no need to give him a shred of the respect and fear he desired. They sat in silence, neither speaking as if playing a game of wills, wanting each other to bend toward the others.

However, he leant toward hers, almost mockingly, as his voiced elicited a soft sound.

"Good evening, princess."

The way he said it made her feel unlike a princess. Quite the opposite, like filth, and grime, despite the smoothness within his voice. She brought her legs beneath her nightgown, not wanting to share any form of intimacy with him, no matter how subtle.

"Would you not like to sleep?" She could hear the smile in his voice.

"Why, when I'm entertaining? " She almost whispered, trying to keep the hate from her voice.

" Do not trouble yourself on my account. I merely came to watch you sleep."

Her head whipped about so fast, it almost flew off. Her eyes were wide in surprise and his widening grin was not improving the scratching fearsome butterflies clawing at her insides.

"Your mother couldn't help but disclose a slight bit of information about her most troubling daughter. Seems we've gotten into quite a bit of trouble lately. As I am her most trusted friend, she asked if I could perhaps handle the matter. I assured her I would personally. "

Fear coiled like a nasty snake within her belly and she almost jumped as he moved, almost as fluently as the very snake within her stomach, toward her.

"Now, it is very late and way past your bed time, wouldn't you say? "

A/N: I will try to get another chapter out as soon as I can. I had so much fun in writing this one and I already have plans for the next one. Thank you for taking the time to read!


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